Queens Village, NY – Alright folks, strap in—Week 4 is here and your boy Slappy White is BACK to give it to ya straight. This season, the commish finally grew some cajones and expanded the league… even letting folks who live an alternative lifestyle (hint: he 5’2) join—but don’t get it twisted, same old chaos is still king. No full schedule, refs wandering around like they just woke up from a nap, and the field? Yeah, it’s got dogs running loose—and no, I ain’t talking AZ and ZQ.
Speaking of AZ, the Hussainis are still running the commish like a tight ship. Naj and the Hunters, All Day, Mean Machine and MPS? Oh, they’re bringing that fire—football that actually makes you wanna cheer. Meanwhile, the Phantoms, Warriors, Niners, and Interceptors? Still stacking pieces like it’s a game of Jenga… and we’re all just waiting for the collapse. SMH.
Previews
Field 1
9 AM – Bing Bong vs. Hunters:
Bing Bong is led by AZ and Tayeb, bringing a great balance of speed and skill. Standout playmakers Munier and Zamier can dominate on both sides of the field. The key question: can QB Tayeb consistently make the throws?
The Hunters lack top-end speed but make up for it with football IQ and strategic defense led by their smart captain Naj. While their smarts will help keep the game close, limited skill may make it tough to keep pace with AZ’s team down the stretch, putting lots of pressure on Joseph. Z&M boys pull away late.
Bing Bong 30, Hunters 24.
10 AM – Interceptors vs. Pluto:
Oh Adam, when will you understand this is a lower division—not a breeding ground for your elite volleyball bros, plus Fahad, Prentin, and Gregg Ostertag? Luckily, you’re here to bring down the talent. And Todd… can you stop complaining about not getting the ball? You’ve been thrown to more times than an MLB catcher. We get it, Todd—you’re good and you want the ball all the time.
Pluto, led by Shak, Toheed, Ammad, and a few young blazers, is ready for a chippy game filled with rough play and plenty of trash talk—though Slappy knows Shak usually backs it up. In the end, Pluto pulls away by 10. Attendance and QB struggles will haunt the Interceptors this week.
Pluto 30, Interceptors 20.
11 AM – Imaan vs. Niners:
These two CFL legends have been clashing since day one, over 10 years ago. This time, Moody is struggling to find ringers, while Imaan brings in leaders like Faiq and Owais, who systematically dissect the other team’s strategies. Fun Fact, Imaan has not lost since Week 3 of last season. Kudos.
Asif may not look like a stud QB, but he is more than formidable—especially down the stretch. He’s one of the best game managers in CFL. The Niners may feature a young sensation in Andrew, Ruhel, and loudmouth Dwayne (who apparently eats butter before games cause everything slips out of his hands), but it won’t be enough. Moody’s team always struggles with attendance.
Imaan 32, Niners 22.
Field 2
9 AM – Phantoms vs. MPS:
The Phantoms are too poised, seasoned, and talented to lose this one. In fact, Slappy predicts this game will be over in the first 10 minutes. MPS lost their rookie QB, a huge blow to their offense. Rick is still a solid QB and can move the team downfield, but he has limitations reading defenses.
Arjun, Evin, and company play well 75% of the game, but key mistakes down the stretch doom them every time. The Phantoms, led by QB ZQ and Samad, with support from Anas, Qasim, and Fahad, are firing on all cylinders. Can the Phantoms go undefeated? After this week, they will—for the time being.
Phantoms 42, MPS 28.
10 AM – Ballers vs. Mama’s Boys:
Two athletic teams collide here. Mama’s Boys showed heart last week, tying with the Champs in a great game. The Ballers have battled hard this season but are still chasing their first win. They need to get off to a good start.
The Hanif boys present a tough challenge, but Slappy likes Safwan and Omar which will allow Mama’s Boys to pull away by six.
Mama’s Boys 26, Ballers 20.