🏈 Slappy White’s Top 6 QBs – Week 7 Edition
Disclaimer: The tone in this article is purposely written to express street lingo. We ain’t catering to the PhD geeks here — this is straight from the concrete, where real talk lives and excuses die.
Thursday, October 23 – Queens Village, NY
Before we get into it — apologies to the bottom half of the league. Slappy isn’t ranking all 13 QBs. Why? Because Slappy don’t believe in participation trophies. This list is for the real field generals — the ones earning their stripes, not just collecting snap counts. Slappy don’t want to embarrass anybody… but if your name isn’t here, maybe you embarrassed yourself.
Now, let’s get to it — the Top 6 CFL QBs according to the gospel of Slappy White.
1 – Safwan (Mamas Boys)
Slappy sees it plain as day — Safwan’s got “it.” Leadership. Command. That laser of an arm. He’s cool in the pocket and delivers the ball like it’s GPS-guided. But talent alone don’t make you a household name; you got to stack those performances week after week. Slappy says this: if Safwan keeps leading like this, it’s only a matter of time before the league starts whispering his name before kickoff.
2 – Asif (Imaan)
Slappy loves a QB who fools the crowd. You look at Asif and think he’s an assistant coach with a clipboard and glasses — next thing you know, he’s carving up defenses like he’s hosting a clinic. Smart, poised, and surgical. He’s more than a game manager — he’s a decision assassin. His football IQ is elite, and his calm under pressure gives Imaan a championship heartbeat.
3 – Ezra (Warriors)
Ezra’s the kind of QB that gives defensive coordinators headaches. Calm in the pocket, quick on the reads, and dangerous with his timing. He’s got a sharp arm, cool composure, and that intensity that makes his teammates follow. The Warriors run through him — plain and simple.
4 – ZQ (Phantoms)
Last year, ZQ was the golden boy. MVP, highlight reels, 40 points a game — the works. But this season’s a different animal. Defenses leveled up, and ZQ’s had to grind for every yard. Slappy still gives credit — the man’s leading an undefeated squad and has that QB look: tall, strong arm, confident stance. But the days of coasting on reputation are over. This year, ZQ’s learning what it means to earn it.
5 – Shak (Pluto)
Now let’s talk about Shak. His team? Yeah, they’re struggling — no sugarcoating that. But Shak? He’s still out there slinging the rock and reading defenses like a chess master. The kid’s got vision, composure, and creativity at the line. Slappy’s been around long enough to know — a great QB on a bad team can still be dangerous. Put Shak on a contender, and you’d see him rise up these rankings real quick.
6 – Naj (Hunters)
Naj is that old-school vet who’s seen it all and still plays like the game owes him nothing. He’s got an above-average arm and a master’s degree in game control. When the pressure hits, Naj doesn’t flinch — he just adjusts the tempo, reads the coverage, and moves the chains.
Honorable Mention: Josh MPS, Brian Interceptors, Tayeb Bing Bong
Final Word from Slappy White
If you made this list, congrats — you’re part of the six-pack of signal-callers keeping the CFL watchable. If you didn’t? Don’t take it personal. Take it motivational. Slappy calls it how he sees it — no politics, no favoritism, just production. And to the rest of the QBs out there: stop posting stats and start posting wins. Because at the end of the day, Slappy White don’t care about your excuses — Slappy cares about results.